Focus on what is important and what makes you feel good.
I have spent the last few months (perhaps years) thinking if I could just distract myself enough – I will get through/feel better/be better. Head down, building something, cleaning something else, trying to compete with kids while gaming, working like a crazy person, then only to stop to do some insane workout to make me tired enough where sleep may be possible if I am lucky. If I was watching TV or “trying to relax” – I would be secondarily looking at my phone, checking email, looking at Instagram. Always exhausted and rarely relaxed. I needed a change.
I thought about when/what made me truly relaxed:
- Being in Hawaii
- Searching for shark teeth
- Endurance running/biking (60 minutes+)
The list was short. I am a lot of things, but relaxed is never in a description I would give myself. During a sleepless night – I started thinking about what it was about those two things that made me relaxed in hopes I could find something in my every day life to help.
Hawaii…
Obviously I could not always be in Hawaii so I had to figure out what it was with that which I could then bring into my everyday life. I realized that while there my overall focus shifted from trying to be most efficient person ever to just focusing on the beauty in my immediate surroundings. The sky, the water, the air, the flowers, the people. I am calmer and more relaxed because I take time to take everything in. I am not looking at my phone but rather looking out at the horizon. I am not trying to do more – I find myself trying to do less. I appreciate the simple things in life which money cannot buy.
Searching for sharkteeth…
There are not many things I enjoy more than hunting for shark teeth. It can take awhile but it is always rewarding when you find one on the beach. I started searching for them when I was young and still to this day love every second spend looking down for that shiny object to appear to me. I thought a lot about how much time I spend each day when at the beach and realized not only do I enjoy it because of the reward of finding a tooth – but also because when I am looking I am breathing deeply/calmly and appreciating everything I see (much like Hawaii) when sorting through shells/walking through the ocean surf.
Endurance exercise…
I have long been an endurance biker – enjoying training for and doing 50 miles at once. While I was training for my 1/2 marathon and 10 mile runs I also really enjoyed my longer runs (for me anything 6 miles or longer). What was it with the runs/bikes that made me feel relaxed though? It was once again the change in focus. When you run or bike – you have one job…keep the legs moving. To do that you have to shift your focus from everything else going on around you (family/work/friends) to calming your breath in order to be efficient enough to make it through the hours of training.
Back to my day to day…
I was losing the race. The intensity of everything in my life seemed to ratchet way up especially after learning last month my dad had terminal cancer. I would wear myself out on the weekdays working, working out, getting kids where they needed to go. On the weekends I would power through at least one of the days with some project or another leaving me no time to relax because I literally could not relax.
Time to break the cycle…
I had to look deeper to get some peace because living in a constant state of exhaustion was not sustainable anymore. I decided that since the two things I found relaxing involved focus I needed to trade in all my distractions for something that would be more focused. I always took my lunch break while watching a show or playing a video game, but with both I then found myself looking at my phone during commercials or in between rounds and thus further distracting myself. Solutions do not need to be hard, they just need to be different. To break the cycle I decided to choose a show with subtitles which would force me to focus on what I was watching and thus to really slow down. I could not pick up my phone, talk to anyone, or really think about anything else because it forced me to pay my full attention to it. The show: My Brilliant Friend on HBO/Max.
After a few days of watching it (even for an hour a day) I could feel that I was feeling better and dare I say – even relaxed while watching it. This simple change from constantly wanting to distract myself to focusing on something made a noticeable difference and is a lesson. I will keep watching it (there are 4 seasons) but more importantly it is a reminder to take time to focus on something vs. live in a constant sense of distraction. I found my breathing was deeper/calmer, I felt satisfied, and my brain was not going 1000mph.
All I can say is that if you are like me and find yourself sometimes in a constant cycle of uneasiness and anxiety, spend some time with focus. Whether it be a view, a book, or a show with subtitles…try shifting the want to distract to the want to focus and see if you feel better. I did and do.
Sometimes slowing down vs speeding up is exactly what we need.
